A Boss Chick's Guide to Mindfulness Meditation: |
| Every Boss Chick needs this workbook. I've compiled a sweet and simple guide to mindfulness meditation with Black women at the center of this practice! Readers will learn:
In the workbook, I combined everything I've learned over the years as a therapist, who embraces psycho-spiritual psychology, with my research knowledge of Black women to bring you a methodology to begin your personal journey with mindfulness meditation. Trust and believe, if you read my book, "Black Feminism in Qualitative Inquiry: A Mosaic for Writing Our Daughter's Body" (Routledge Press), you already know how mindfulness meditation influenced my research and creative writing process as well. ❣❣❣❣❣ Grab your favorite pen, light a candle, and start your mindfulness meditation journal today with me, Dr. V! |  Kindle Edition now Available!! "I simply want to help Black people reclaim healing practices that are natural to who we are and not depended on Western pharmaceuticals and the oppressors interpretations of indigenous knowledge." ~Empress Dr. V  |
Peace,
Dr. V
"Not your mother's therapist, or your brother's life coach."
Dr. V
"Not your mother's therapist, or your brother's life coach."
Comments
The beginnings of mindfulness as a spiritual practice.
The Mindfulness Writer. In my most recent single-authored book, "Black Feminism in Qualitative Inquiry: A Mosaic for Writing Our Daughter's Body", it is more than apparent to any practitioner of mindfulness that this indigenous practice has become a part of my writing process, consciously and subconsciously. I began practicing mindfulness over 10 years ago, when I read the book, "The Power of Now", on a flight to South Africa. At that time, mindfulness was more of an intellectual engagement for me. It simply meant being present and aware in every interaction and moment.
Mindfulness Writing as Ritual Work. Since then, mindfulness has become more of an emotional and spiritual journey for me. As a mindfulness meditation practitioner, mindfulness has created opportunities for me to really see others while truly feeling myself (okay, that sounds weird when I read it, but oh well). In fact, in Black Feminism in Qualitative Inquiry (or BFQI) non-practitioners intuitively pick up on ritualistic tendencies in the book. Many readers have even been moved by my written descriptions of mindfulness in the book, and thoughtfully, reached out to me and asked questions about my mindfulness and meditation practices. So, I did what any cultural worker would do...I created "fieldnotes" (a term borrowed from my book) on my podcast that are dedicated to explaining the process of mindfulness writing.
Mindfulness Writing as Ritual Work. Since then, mindfulness has become more of an emotional and spiritual journey for me. As a mindfulness meditation practitioner, mindfulness has created opportunities for me to really see others while truly feeling myself (okay, that sounds weird when I read it, but oh well). In fact, in Black Feminism in Qualitative Inquiry (or BFQI) non-practitioners intuitively pick up on ritualistic tendencies in the book. Many readers have even been moved by my written descriptions of mindfulness in the book, and thoughtfully, reached out to me and asked questions about my mindfulness and meditation practices. So, I did what any cultural worker would do...I created "fieldnotes" (a term borrowed from my book) on my podcast that are dedicated to explaining the process of mindfulness writing.
Mindfulness Meditation in Writing. The latest podcast series of, "Writing What I Like: Fieldnotes of Black Woman Scholar", addresses mindfulness and meditation in the writing process; the role of writing as a positive coping mechanism; and mindfulness writing as a therapeutic tool. A few questions that I would like for the listener to leave the podcast with are: What is the role of mindfulness writing in processes of resilience and resistance for subjugated people? How might mindfulness help individuals and communities cope with negative emotions? How might mindfulness writing help researchers and other writers contemplate their observations and interpretations of people, social context, and systems of power? How does one approach their own writing process---emotionally and spiritually? Is writing an emotional or spiritual process?
Writing What I Like: Fieldnotes of A Black Woman Scholar (click here)
Anyhow, I hope that everyone enjoys listening to my fieldnotes on the podcast and take a moment to leave a comment below, subscribe to the podcast, or email me with further ideas or suggestions for better mindfulness writing or future podcasts. You can find the book, my latest book, "Black Feminism in Qualitative Inquiry" on Amazon.com.
❣
Peace,
Dr. V
"Not your mother's therapist, or your brother's life coach."
Peace,
Dr. V
"Not your mother's therapist, or your brother's life coach."
Dr. Venus Evans-Winters, scholar-activist, therapist, and author, keynote address at a Midwestern university.
Yup, that's me, Dr. V, discussing racial trauma at a Midwestern university for Black History Month (#365)!!!
“When will I find the time to write?”
“I do not know what to write.”
“I have a story in me, but I’m just not a good writer.”
“I know my friends and family will not take me serious as an author.”
If you've read this far, be honest, you've imagined yourself as a writer or even a published author. You simply have not found the time, motivation, or courage to write your truths.
I am looking for social workers, psychologists, K-12 educators, and other helping professionals of color. Yes, you!!
You, like many people, hold myths in your head about who is a writer and who should be an author. My goal is to teach everyday people, especially practitioners of color, how to "write like a scholar" so you can write for presentation or publication; and live your dream of educating, inspiring, healing or liberating yourself or others.
Or, are you interested in writing for professional impact or to acquire that dream job? Whatever your reason for having the urge of "becoming" (shouts out to Michelle Obama!!) a dedicated writer or published author.......as a scholar, author, speaker, and therapist, I want to teach busy or unmotivated professionals how to “think and act” like a writer with a purpose!!!
So, here's my invitation: If you've been wanting to #WriteLikeAScholar for presentation or publication, but been holding back due to fear or not knowing how to get started, contact a sistah to learn about my writing course that opens in May: http://bit.ly/venusevanswinters
💖💜❣
Peace,
Dr. V
"Not your mother's therapist, or your brother's life coach."
The political is personal!!! #writelikeascholar #therevolutionwillbewritten #BFQI
“When will I find the time to write?”
“I do not know what to write.”
“I have a story in me, but I’m just not a good writer.”
“I know my friends and family will not take me serious as an author.”
If you've read this far, be honest, you've imagined yourself as a writer or even a published author. You simply have not found the time, motivation, or courage to write your truths.
I am looking for social workers, psychologists, K-12 educators, and other helping professionals of color. Yes, you!!
You, like many people, hold myths in your head about who is a writer and who should be an author. My goal is to teach everyday people, especially practitioners of color, how to "write like a scholar" so you can write for presentation or publication; and live your dream of educating, inspiring, healing or liberating yourself or others.
Or, are you interested in writing for professional impact or to acquire that dream job? Whatever your reason for having the urge of "becoming" (shouts out to Michelle Obama!!) a dedicated writer or published author.......as a scholar, author, speaker, and therapist, I want to teach busy or unmotivated professionals how to “think and act” like a writer with a purpose!!!
So, here's my invitation: If you've been wanting to #WriteLikeAScholar for presentation or publication, but been holding back due to fear or not knowing how to get started, contact a sistah to learn about my writing course that opens in May: http://bit.ly/venusevanswinters
💖💜❣
Peace,
Dr. V
"Not your mother's therapist, or your brother's life coach."
The political is personal!!! #writelikeascholar #therevolutionwillbewritten #BFQI
Black Feminism in Qualitative Inquiry:
A Mosaic for Writing Our Daughter's Body
by Venus E. Evans-Winters
#1 New Release in Social Science Research
#1 New Release in Medical Psychology
#1 New Release in Popular Psychology
#1 New Release in Medical Psychology Research
#1 New Release in Medical Psychology
#1 New Release in Popular Psychology
#1 New Release in Medical Psychology Research
Black Feminism in Qualitative Inquiry
On its official release date, February 22nd, 2019, my new book, Black Feminism in Qualitative Inquiry: A Mosaic for Writing Our Daughter's Body, came in at #1 in 4 categories on Amazon. What an amazing week!
The first week success of "Black feminism in qualitative inquiry" demonstrates that the world yearns for more scholarship on Black women's theorizing.
What can readers expect from this book:
The first week success of "Black feminism in qualitative inquiry" demonstrates that the world yearns for more scholarship on Black women's theorizing.
What can readers expect from this book:
- Conversations on the histories and futures of Black feminism(s)
- Calls for the decolonization of methodologies
- Centering Black girls' and women's ways of knowing and engagement of the social world
- Stories and narrations grounded in a Black onto-epistemology
- Theoretical leanings positioned in Afro-centrism and Pan Africanism
A Mosaic for Writing Our Daughter's Body
If I might say so myself, in this book, I definitely showed up as a courageous cultural worker!!! The ancestors are proud.
You may find the text, "Black Feminism in Qualitative Inquiry: A Mosaic for Writing Our Daughter's Body" on Amazon in paperback and Kindle Edition or here.
Every Black girl, Black woman, Black child, Black family, and Black community that I ever came in contact with were my inspiration for engaging in truth-telling as a methodological imprint.
Are you enjoying reading the book? Leave your comments below or on Amazon.
In the struggle for our humanity,
Dr. Venus E. Evans-Winters
"Not your mother's therapist, or your brother's life coach."
You may find the text, "Black Feminism in Qualitative Inquiry: A Mosaic for Writing Our Daughter's Body" on Amazon in paperback and Kindle Edition or here.
Every Black girl, Black woman, Black child, Black family, and Black community that I ever came in contact with were my inspiration for engaging in truth-telling as a methodological imprint.
Are you enjoying reading the book? Leave your comments below or on Amazon.
In the struggle for our humanity,
Dr. Venus E. Evans-Winters
"Not your mother's therapist, or your brother's life coach."
Sometimes we forget to SAY THE NAME of our Black women artists whom have been muses to our souls as their lyrics played in the background whilst we crafted our own life stories. One such artist is the almighty Queen Lauryn Hill.
As Black girls were navigating the unforgiving terrain of adolescence, Lauryn Hill was reaching out to save our lives. Beyond adolescence, she helped so many Black young women survive a world that bastardizes Black femininity and exploits Black girlhood. In the 300 plus page book, "Celebrating Twenty Years of Black Girlhood: The Lauryn Hill Reader", authors showcase Lauryn Hill not only as lyrical genius, but they also demonstrate how Hill raised our racial and gender consciousness. Every lyric, outfit, and sound was a freedom cry.
At at time, when much attention is given to our pain, and necessarily so in order to heal, "The Lauryn Hill Reader" (edited by Drs. Billye Sankofa Waters, Bettina Love, and yours truly, Dr. V) reminds us to unapologetically celebrate vulnerability alongside agency and resistance (as art) as an intellectual stance. This book is right on time for more media attention has recently been given to the exploitation of Black adolescent girls by adult men.
Timing is Everything!!
Most of this attention has derived from efforts in traditional media and social media to bring attention to girl victims of sexual abuse and exploitation. Two notable cases flooded our social media timelines and kept many of us cussing, fussing, and crying online and offline. In particular, the Cyntoia Brown guilty verdict had girl advocates like myself seething with rage, and later after she was granted clemency, we were once again hopeful that someone was hearing our cries for justice. Of course the other case, I refer to was "trial by media" (nicely articulated by @melanin_muse), and that is the #MuteRKelly campaign. The verdict is still out on whether Black women and girls advocates will find justice for the direct and indirect victims of the Chicago native R&B singer (hint: name rhymes with B Jelly).
Nonetheless, alongside Black girl pain we have artists like the almighty Queen Lauryn Hill and the authors' narratives and articulations in "Celebrating Twenty Years of Black Girlhood: The Lauryn Hill Reader" reminding us of Black girl joy as a site of resistance. Let's lift up our women hip hop and R&B artists' names who help us persist and resist in the face of patriarchy, racial oppression, and class exploitation. A hip hop feminist consciousness brings the balance needed in using art and story to heal trauma.
In the struggle for our humanity,
Dr. Venus Evans-Winters
"Not your mother's therapist, or your brother's life coach."
In the struggle for our humanity,
Dr. Venus Evans-Winters
"Not your mother's therapist, or your brother's life coach."
Mindful Educators: Is Therapy For Me?
Twenty years ago, I endured one of the most stressful, and most memorable, times in my education career. As a school social work intern, I witnessed the hardships of poverty, educational inequality, and how Whiteness and White privilege/power played out in education institutions. When that internship ended, I decided to attend a doctoral program in education. I surmised from that experience that the lack of social services was not the problem; education was the problem for Black people.
Our young people inherited an education system that failed generations of families.
A few months later after completing the MSW, I attended a doctoral program that fully funded my studies and where I could blur the boundaries between my obsession with culture, education for liberation, civil rights, and social welfare policy. I was fascinated with how education was both a site of liberation and subjugation, especially for the Black community.
Our young people inherited an education system that failed generations of families.
A few months later after completing the MSW, I attended a doctoral program that fully funded my studies and where I could blur the boundaries between my obsession with culture, education for liberation, civil rights, and social welfare policy. I was fascinated with how education was both a site of liberation and subjugation, especially for the Black community.
Eventually, hired to teach in Colleges of Education, I quickly noticed the role that Black educators played in interrupting whiteness and the abuse of power in schools. After mentoring and observing Black students and educators involved at various levels of education (i.e. P-12 and colleges/universities), I began to research students', teachers', and administrators' experiences in schools and the support networks they relied upon to cope with home and work life. In short, like many other teachers, Black educators and other teachers of color, enter the profession with much enthusiasm about their craft, but experience stress related to multiple factors. However, in the face of a majority White teaching force, many young teachers of color report feelings of marginalization and exclusion, lack of authentic mentors, and professional development opportunities that do not necessarily meet their socio-emotional needs or cultural affinities (or what they believe to be best for their students of color).
Since completing that school social work internship, I have become a tenured university professor of education, a licensed clinical social worker and certified school social worker, and a psychotherapist specializing in trauma, resilience and health/wellness. It is shameful that my internship experience turned me off from practicing in K-12 settings. Nevertheless, I've spent the last decade calling for attention to the socio-emotional, physical, and mental health needs of our nation's most vulnerable workforce: those people of color surviving and thriving in education (and closely aligned “helping” occupations) institutions.
Since completing that school social work internship, I have become a tenured university professor of education, a licensed clinical social worker and certified school social worker, and a psychotherapist specializing in trauma, resilience and health/wellness. It is shameful that my internship experience turned me off from practicing in K-12 settings. Nevertheless, I've spent the last decade calling for attention to the socio-emotional, physical, and mental health needs of our nation's most vulnerable workforce: those people of color surviving and thriving in education (and closely aligned “helping” occupations) institutions.
- Who is taking care of us while we spend most of our time teaching/coaching/uplifting/empowering/taking care of others?
- Where are the highly trained mental health practitioners who can understand how the intersections of racism, sexism, classism, and xenophobia impact the overall health and coping strategies of minoritized people (as students and employees)?
- How do we discuss our professional and personal health goals with those whom appear to be so distant from us culturally?
- And, how do we discuss racism in the workplace and "our personal business" with cultural outsiders and strangers?
- How do professionals of color, especially women of color ask for help when we have only been taught to be the help?
At-risk of sounding like an advertisement (okay, I am politicking), I honestly do believe that we need therapists who, along with cultural knowledge and sensitivity, also understand the political context of education, the stress involved in the act of teaching itself, and the moral obligation to model (social, emotional, cultural, and physical) “health”. Imagine a world where we combine best practices of culturally informed therapy with what we know about professional and personal resilience.
Are you an educator? How do you cope with positive or negative stress? What are your health goals? Leave comments below or at @DrVEvansWinters on Twitter.
In the struggle for our humanity,
Dr. Venus Evans-Winters
"Not your mother's therapist, or your brother's life coach."
There is an unspoken or silenced dialogue amongst people of color and working class families. The silenced dialogue usually shows up as anger, frustration or outright silence. Many parents and students don’t have the “fancy” vocabulary to describe their observations and feelings, so I am going to speak the unspoken: Schooling traumatizes students.
Hyperbole aside, not all schools or all teachers traumatize students. In fact, now more attention than ever is being given to curriculum and programs in schools that serve the purpose of “meeting the needs of traumatized children”. These schools are branded as “trauma-informed” schools.
I will come back to the limitations of so-called "trauma-informed" schools.
However, some people are calling foul, because too often school actors themselves cause young people trauma. I am going to refer to schools contexts that cause trauma as "traumatizing schooling" (yes, I invented this non-clinical phrase) for the purposes of this post. Traumatizing schooling looks like teachers and administrators who verbally or emotionally abuse students; labeling students as mentally impaired, learning disabled, or emotionally and behaviorally disturbed; and schools that look and feel more like prisons or mental health wards than learning communities.
Traumatizing schools are school environments where students are routinely punished and sent home from school for minor infractions like “insubordination” (read: talking back) or “being out of uniform” (e.g. no belt or sleeveless tops).
To adult school personnel these may be minor infractions with consequences, but for many students such punishments are actually acts of humiliation and intimidation.
Of course, traumatizing schooling also looks like police officers aggressively (i.e. using force) intervening in student-to-student conflict or teacher-to-student conflict as opposed to trained mental health professionals like school social workers or counselors providing mediation (or offering de-escalation techniques).
The reason some are calling foul is because the assumption is that trauma happens to students of color and students from lower-income families outside of school only. The assumption is that all these poor kids, Black, and Brown kids come from families and neighborhoods that are neglectful or abusive; therefore, it is the role of school actors to intervene.
People do not discuss how schools can trigger students and/or (re)traumatize students, because it is assumed that only certain types of families or neighborhoods inflict trauma and that schools are sites of innocence.
However, to decode the silenced dialogue, I posit:
(1) Schools can cause intentional or unintentional trauma through the policing and surveillance of students (side note: ask a person in juvenile detention how they were treated at school);
(2) Schools ignore the larger social structure problems of racism and classism, including the disinvestment and eradication of mental health services, extra/co-curricular activities, affordable housing and healthcare, and employment opportunities in working class communities.
Black scholars and cultural workers have always warned us of the trauma that racism and White supremacy would possibly inflict on the psychology and overall development of Black children and the community.
For instance, Ida B. Wells, Carter G. Woodson, Septima P. Clark, Marcus Garvey, Malcolm X, Asa Hilliard and Na'im Akbar have put forth theory and developed curriculum to prevent and intervene in the psychological trauma that children experience from White supremacy, racism, and class discrimination.
Our elders know too well the psychological trauma caused by the Transatlantic slave trade, chattel slavery, sharecropping, Jim Crow Laws, lynching, and the psychological trauma Black youth experienced when attempting to desegregate public schools.
Today, our nation's children cope with police officers in schools, constantly circulated images of school shootings, mass shootings at the hands of White gun men, and the killing of Black young people and adults by police officers and White citizens. How does this shape their emotional and behavioral responses to school authority?
Thus, the silenced dialogue is that we do not openly acknowledge that students of color and children living in poverty experience unique forms of trauma inside and outside of schools, and often such trauma is inflicted by people who may look like their teachers.
Furthermore, school personnel ignore the fact that educators of color and psychologists of color decades ago, and at present, developed theories, curriculum, and pedagogy for Black students whom have experienced racialized trauma, neighborhood trauma, and/or family-based trauma. Why aren't these practitioners and theorists works recognized in trauma-informed school discussions?
We cannot assume that Black children (or any other children for that matter) are only harmed by things that happen outside of schools. Trauma happens inside of schools too.
We need culturally responsive trauma-informed schools and culturally responsive socio-emotional and mental health services for youth and families inside and outside of school settings.
We need practitioners of color to address the socio-emotional and mental health needs of Black, LatinX, and indigenous children and youth.
Scholar Lisa Delpit (see an interview here: https://goo.gl/pXkUU3) coined the term "silenced dialogue" to describe the marginalization and silencing of people of color in discussions about the curricular needs of children of color in schools.
What conversations are silenced or marginalized as it relates to trauma in school settings?
Tweet @DrVEvansWinters a replay or leave a comment below.
In the struggle for our humanity,
Dr. Venus E. Evans-Winters
"Not your mother's therapist, or your brother's life coach."
We need culturally responsive trauma-informed schools and culturally responsive socio-emotional and mental health services for youth and families inside and outside of school settings.
We need practitioners of color to address the socio-emotional and mental health needs of Black, LatinX, and indigenous children and youth.
Scholar Lisa Delpit (see an interview here: https://goo.gl/pXkUU3) coined the term "silenced dialogue" to describe the marginalization and silencing of people of color in discussions about the curricular needs of children of color in schools.
What conversations are silenced or marginalized as it relates to trauma in school settings?
Tweet @DrVEvansWinters a replay or leave a comment below.
In the struggle for our humanity,
Dr. Venus E. Evans-Winters
"Not your mother's therapist, or your brother's life coach."
As Black-mother-lesbian-warrior-poet Audre Lorde stated, “Caring for myself isn’t self-indulgence, it is self-preservation, and that is an act of political warfare.”
Like the very spirited warrior woman, Lorde, I wholeheartedly believe that there is a need for women, especially those of us from traumatized communities and families, to engage in self-care practices that preserve our emotional, physical, and spiritual health. Today, with a focus on women's empowerment, many conversations about healing from trauma typically begin with discussions about one’s engagement in self-care practices.
However, conversations of self-care need to be extended to include bold and spirited discussions about self-love. How many of us can say that we really love ourselves exactly the way that we are? What does radical self-love look like and feel like?
I spend much of my time speaking with women who look really good on the outside (thanks to proper self-care); however, they admit to feeling emotionally empty on the inside. They want to know how to love themselves from the inside-out. For many women, our society’s over-indulgence in self-care simply veils what they truly are feeling internally. Many do not know how to love themselves. They do not know what self-love looks like or feels like, because they have been taught to wait on someone to love them, or they have been taught that it is conceited or selfish to love thyself.
Somewhere between Hollywood scripted notions of romantic love and reality tv’s overly intoxicating, and at times violent, depictions of love, many women are left confused about the importance self-love plays in their mental health.
For me, I prefer to think of love as a feeling or psychological drive that comes and go like any other drive, such as hunger, thirst, or fatigue. If we consider love a psychological drive, then it is a subtle, or at times intense, feeling that is going to come and go; therefore, we need to learn how to love ourselves and engage daily in practices that satisfy our need for love.
When you are hungry or famished, you eat food, right? When you are thirsty or dehydrated, you drink water or liquid to quench your thirst, correct? When you are fatigued, you find a way to rest your eyes and body, yes? Now answer this: In moments when you feel like you need to be loved, how do you quench your desire for love? In other words, how do you fulfill the internal (the self) need for love (a psychological desire)?
Self-love involves matters of the heart and mind. We would never go without eating, drinking, and sleeping, but many of us attempt to go without love. We are waiting for someone else to bring us love; instead of us loving ourselves. For example, when we are hungry, we do not wait on someone to feed us—unless you are a child or someone physically or mentally incapable of caring for herself.
In fact, every healthy person knows that you should eat, drink, and sleep before you even get to a state of hunger, thirst, or fatigue! You are already in the red zone when your brain sends out a reminder to the body that you are in a state of disequilibrium! And, this is when we make bad choices that are not good for our bodies (Hint: those McDonald fries or that large sugary, caffeinated soda be calling your name in the drive-thru window).
In other words, if you are telling your friends or yourself that you are feeling the need for love, then you are already WAY overdue for love. We do not even want to talk about what the red zone looks like when one is in desperate need of love. Hmm…
But, guess what? YOU are able to satisfy your own need for love! You do not have to wait on someone else to sweep you off of your feet, no more than you need someone to bring you water or food (although it would be nice). Meaning, sometimes we all need to be reminded and motivated to love ourselves. A woman engaged in self-love is radical as fuck!
So, how are you preparing to meet your human desire for love so that you do not end up in the red zone?!
Please share your responses in the comments' section below or on Twitter @DrVenusEvansWinters.
In solidarity,
Dr. Venus Evans-Winters (a.k.a. Dr. V)
"Not your mother's therapist, or your brother's life coach."
Like the very spirited warrior woman, Lorde, I wholeheartedly believe that there is a need for women, especially those of us from traumatized communities and families, to engage in self-care practices that preserve our emotional, physical, and spiritual health. Today, with a focus on women's empowerment, many conversations about healing from trauma typically begin with discussions about one’s engagement in self-care practices.
However, conversations of self-care need to be extended to include bold and spirited discussions about self-love. How many of us can say that we really love ourselves exactly the way that we are? What does radical self-love look like and feel like?
I spend much of my time speaking with women who look really good on the outside (thanks to proper self-care); however, they admit to feeling emotionally empty on the inside. They want to know how to love themselves from the inside-out. For many women, our society’s over-indulgence in self-care simply veils what they truly are feeling internally. Many do not know how to love themselves. They do not know what self-love looks like or feels like, because they have been taught to wait on someone to love them, or they have been taught that it is conceited or selfish to love thyself.
Somewhere between Hollywood scripted notions of romantic love and reality tv’s overly intoxicating, and at times violent, depictions of love, many women are left confused about the importance self-love plays in their mental health.
For me, I prefer to think of love as a feeling or psychological drive that comes and go like any other drive, such as hunger, thirst, or fatigue. If we consider love a psychological drive, then it is a subtle, or at times intense, feeling that is going to come and go; therefore, we need to learn how to love ourselves and engage daily in practices that satisfy our need for love.
When you are hungry or famished, you eat food, right? When you are thirsty or dehydrated, you drink water or liquid to quench your thirst, correct? When you are fatigued, you find a way to rest your eyes and body, yes? Now answer this: In moments when you feel like you need to be loved, how do you quench your desire for love? In other words, how do you fulfill the internal (the self) need for love (a psychological desire)?
Self-love involves matters of the heart and mind. We would never go without eating, drinking, and sleeping, but many of us attempt to go without love. We are waiting for someone else to bring us love; instead of us loving ourselves. For example, when we are hungry, we do not wait on someone to feed us—unless you are a child or someone physically or mentally incapable of caring for herself.
In fact, every healthy person knows that you should eat, drink, and sleep before you even get to a state of hunger, thirst, or fatigue! You are already in the red zone when your brain sends out a reminder to the body that you are in a state of disequilibrium! And, this is when we make bad choices that are not good for our bodies (Hint: those McDonald fries or that large sugary, caffeinated soda be calling your name in the drive-thru window).
In other words, if you are telling your friends or yourself that you are feeling the need for love, then you are already WAY overdue for love. We do not even want to talk about what the red zone looks like when one is in desperate need of love. Hmm…
But, guess what? YOU are able to satisfy your own need for love! You do not have to wait on someone else to sweep you off of your feet, no more than you need someone to bring you water or food (although it would be nice). Meaning, sometimes we all need to be reminded and motivated to love ourselves. A woman engaged in self-love is radical as fuck!
So, how are you preparing to meet your human desire for love so that you do not end up in the red zone?!
Please share your responses in the comments' section below or on Twitter @DrVenusEvansWinters.
In solidarity,
Dr. Venus Evans-Winters (a.k.a. Dr. V)
"Not your mother's therapist, or your brother's life coach."
#Me Too, Sis
In this post, I explain how the attempted white-washing and decontextualizing of the #MeToo catchphrase threatened to leave many rape survivors vulnerable and left out of the conversation.
The #MeToo campaign was the brainchild of Black woman activist, Taraka Burke, in 2007. The campaign has recently regained momentum on social media.
In describing the #MeToo campaign, Burke articulates for Ebony magazine:
“It was a catchphrase to be used from survivor to survivor to let folks know that they were not alone and that a movement for radical healing was happening and possible.” (Source: https://goo.gl/2466ho).
The activist wanted to give voice and a face to rape survivors and their silenced experiences with violence.
Voyeurism and Rape
An often overlooked aspect of rape culture is voyeurism. Even though feelings of internalized shame is a major reason why many girls and women remain silent about being raped, the voyeuristic aspect of rape culture also plays a major role in why many women rape survivors do not readily come forward. Voyeurism is a HUGE aspect of rape culture. Voyeurism plays out in different ways in American rape culture.
Some perpetrators celebrate their conquests in multiple ways that are actually rewarded. Sometimes these celebrations are overt, whereas, other times they are more subtle. For example, rapists at times brag to male friends, fellow athletes and fraternity brothers. Rapists have even been known to video-record assaults for their own pleasure or others (Allegedly R. Kelly. Blink, blink)!
And, many girls and women survivors report being victims of voyeurism and stalked by their rapists before or after a rape.
In this post, I explain how the attempted white-washing and decontextualizing of the #MeToo catchphrase threatened to leave many rape survivors vulnerable and left out of the conversation.
The #MeToo campaign was the brainchild of Black woman activist, Taraka Burke, in 2007. The campaign has recently regained momentum on social media.
In describing the #MeToo campaign, Burke articulates for Ebony magazine:
“It was a catchphrase to be used from survivor to survivor to let folks know that they were not alone and that a movement for radical healing was happening and possible.” (Source: https://goo.gl/2466ho).
The activist wanted to give voice and a face to rape survivors and their silenced experiences with violence.
Voyeurism and Rape
An often overlooked aspect of rape culture is voyeurism. Even though feelings of internalized shame is a major reason why many girls and women remain silent about being raped, the voyeuristic aspect of rape culture also plays a major role in why many women rape survivors do not readily come forward. Voyeurism is a HUGE aspect of rape culture. Voyeurism plays out in different ways in American rape culture.
Some perpetrators celebrate their conquests in multiple ways that are actually rewarded. Sometimes these celebrations are overt, whereas, other times they are more subtle. For example, rapists at times brag to male friends, fellow athletes and fraternity brothers. Rapists have even been known to video-record assaults for their own pleasure or others (Allegedly R. Kelly. Blink, blink)!
And, many girls and women survivors report being victims of voyeurism and stalked by their rapists before or after a rape.
Objects of The Gaze
Voyeurism in rape culture is witnessed in mainstream literature, art, movies and television shows, music, and print media like magazine ads.
Sexual aggression is common in pornography, for instance. Pornography is a multibillion dollar a year industry (source: https://goo.gl/3kGPym); and child pornography continues to be a major problem for law enforcement.
The verdict is still out on the role of pornography in rape culture, but plainly spoken, people "get off" on watching people being sexually dominated and objectified.
Pornography aside, Americans’ obsession with Reality TV (including my own—no judgment) may be further evidence of many individuals' enjoyment in watching someone else’s pain and pleasure in life. Thus, it is understandable when survivors of rape are hesitant to disclose their #MeToo “status” on social media. They do not want to feel re-victimized by the “Gaze”.
For Black women, rape coupled with being on display has historical context. Black women's public displays of suffering was instigated by White men for the pleasure of his audience and the demonstration of his personal power, during enslavement and the colonial period. Many are educated on the story of the African Khoikhoi woman Sara Baartman. She was sexually and physically abused by her European captors. Not only was she sexually violated, but she was also paraded around like a circus animal at the pleasure of her captors and their awed audiences.
Sara Baartman's silence screamed #MeToo!
Reclaiming Power
Even though the declaration #MeToo serves to reclaim power, the voyeuristic aspect of rape culture makes the public act present as a double edge sword for victims of rape and other forms of sexual violence. Not coming forward is not simply about fear of the ramifications of exposing the perpetrator, but not coming forward is also a protective factor to prevent survivors from what feels like giving Americans exactly what they want:
Pleasure from experiencing someone’s else’s story of pain and abuse.
Ironically, as I look at all the women in social media who are coming forward, and many, if not most, are already public personalities, people of influence, or women with social capital. In many ways they have mastered public perception, or don’t give a rat's ass about public perception. And, some are even at a point in their careers where they might capitalize from sharing their story publicly.
I believe Burke in her Ebony interview was acknowledging this privilege in her call for a movement for radical healing.
Voyeurism in rape culture is witnessed in mainstream literature, art, movies and television shows, music, and print media like magazine ads.
Sexual aggression is common in pornography, for instance. Pornography is a multibillion dollar a year industry (source: https://goo.gl/3kGPym); and child pornography continues to be a major problem for law enforcement.
The verdict is still out on the role of pornography in rape culture, but plainly spoken, people "get off" on watching people being sexually dominated and objectified.
Pornography aside, Americans’ obsession with Reality TV (including my own—no judgment) may be further evidence of many individuals' enjoyment in watching someone else’s pain and pleasure in life. Thus, it is understandable when survivors of rape are hesitant to disclose their #MeToo “status” on social media. They do not want to feel re-victimized by the “Gaze”.
For Black women, rape coupled with being on display has historical context. Black women's public displays of suffering was instigated by White men for the pleasure of his audience and the demonstration of his personal power, during enslavement and the colonial period. Many are educated on the story of the African Khoikhoi woman Sara Baartman. She was sexually and physically abused by her European captors. Not only was she sexually violated, but she was also paraded around like a circus animal at the pleasure of her captors and their awed audiences.
Sara Baartman's silence screamed #MeToo!
Reclaiming Power
Even though the declaration #MeToo serves to reclaim power, the voyeuristic aspect of rape culture makes the public act present as a double edge sword for victims of rape and other forms of sexual violence. Not coming forward is not simply about fear of the ramifications of exposing the perpetrator, but not coming forward is also a protective factor to prevent survivors from what feels like giving Americans exactly what they want:
Pleasure from experiencing someone’s else’s story of pain and abuse.
Ironically, as I look at all the women in social media who are coming forward, and many, if not most, are already public personalities, people of influence, or women with social capital. In many ways they have mastered public perception, or don’t give a rat's ass about public perception. And, some are even at a point in their careers where they might capitalize from sharing their story publicly.
I believe Burke in her Ebony interview was acknowledging this privilege in her call for a movement for radical healing.
"A Movement for Radical Healing" ~T. Burke
The next PUBLIC phase of the #MeToo campaign must be to question, challenge, and correct America’s fascination and obsession with witnessing the suffering of girls and women. We especially must protect poor young women and girls of color. We must question our culture’s love affair with being witnesses to and passive onlookers of sexual violence, and question how the nation has become so desensitized toward sexual violence. Desensitization births passivity and inaction.
Once more, we cannot ignore the fact that we live in a voyeuristic society. Therefore, that little bit of privacy is all that we have left to reclaim our power. To heed sister Taraka Burke's original call for a movement for radical healing, collectively us rape survivors and other women's rights advocates must ponder the questions:
(1) How do we give a face and voice to the realities of rape while pushing back against voyeurism in rape culture?
(2) How do we declare #MeToo without further normalizing rape and potentially violating survivors?
(3) How do we give voice to women’s experiences with rape without further marginalizing other girls and women who choose not (or currently are not in a position) to reveal their story publicly?
Please share your responses in the comments' section below or on Twitter @DrVenusEvansWinters.
In solidarity,
Dr. Venus Evans-Winters (a.k.a. Dr. V)
"Not your mother's therapist, or your brother's life coach."
The next PUBLIC phase of the #MeToo campaign must be to question, challenge, and correct America’s fascination and obsession with witnessing the suffering of girls and women. We especially must protect poor young women and girls of color. We must question our culture’s love affair with being witnesses to and passive onlookers of sexual violence, and question how the nation has become so desensitized toward sexual violence. Desensitization births passivity and inaction.
Once more, we cannot ignore the fact that we live in a voyeuristic society. Therefore, that little bit of privacy is all that we have left to reclaim our power. To heed sister Taraka Burke's original call for a movement for radical healing, collectively us rape survivors and other women's rights advocates must ponder the questions:
(1) How do we give a face and voice to the realities of rape while pushing back against voyeurism in rape culture?
(2) How do we declare #MeToo without further normalizing rape and potentially violating survivors?
(3) How do we give voice to women’s experiences with rape without further marginalizing other girls and women who choose not (or currently are not in a position) to reveal their story publicly?
Please share your responses in the comments' section below or on Twitter @DrVenusEvansWinters.
In solidarity,
Dr. Venus Evans-Winters (a.k.a. Dr. V)
"Not your mother's therapist, or your brother's life coach."
Dr. Venus Evans-Winters (a.k.a Dr. V)
Activist Scholar. Cultural Worker. Healer. Mother.
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